Rage, It Was A Nearly Dumped

I'm generally a pretty laid back person. I let my emotions show like the sun most of the time, but I try to take things in stride. However, sometimes I get angry enough where I freeze, stifled from speech because something pisses me off so much.

I get frustrated to easily yes, but very few things make me the aforementioned angry.  One of those things is saying something derogatory towards GLBT peoples.  That such instance happened earlier tonight.  I decided to head to walmart to pick up some towels, and like I always do when going into Walmart, I head to the electronics section to either drool over things, or peruse stuff to see what's new.  I headed over to the PC games and looking at various requirements for playing, I hear someone next to me utter, "Only faggots play Warcraft."

My internal angry generator went into hyperdrive, I stood there for a few seconds seething with rage, and then soon put down the game I was looking at and simply walked away.  I walked about halfway to the entrance, and then decided to head back.  Part of me wanted to go back and rant at the man that had said this hateful thing, not directed at me, just in general.  Another part of me wanted to simply, at the moment of the utterance, turn to the person and be like, "well, a good deal of straight people play Warcraft too, and the correct term is homosexual, not faggot you inbred rednneck."  I have not the courage to do such things, but I did want to go back, and not feel discouraged in enjoying the prettiness that some games look like they provide.  I find that that person hasn't moved, I see that he is quite large, I.E. snapping snarkily at him probably would end in a punch or something.  Just as I'm about to reach the PC games once again, his kid walks up to him.  I'm pretty sure the previous comment was directed at him earlier.

What in all of the nine hells is this man teaching his kid?  Is he breeding yet another ignorant hate monger that will make another gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender's life a living hell?  I certainly hope not.  At least he informed him at the fact that many homosexuals play Warcraft, and therefore he should not, lest he have the innate ability to know what colors go with what, and how to probably arrange a filing cabinet.(It's part of our super powers, look it up.)

It both baffles me and enrages me that it exists to carelessly in our culture.  It's not like I didn't know that Bemidi isn't homophobic, mainly conservative hate speech christians.  I also know it's not the word that is the real problem, it's the meaning behind it, and earlier tonight, there was plenty of hate behind that single word.  I wanted to be able to turn to him and say something snarky, something that may make him equally angry.  I realize when thinking about it, that instead of trying to snap back, to make him angry, I should have simply stated that it was unkind for such words to be spoken, merely as a calm protest to the act of using that word in such a hateful way.  Maybe one day I will be able to do this, I'll let the anger just go, and try to inform someone how much it can affect someone, which, no matter the case, if there is someone dealing with sexuality, or gender, it will affect them if they hear that kind of speech even if it's not directly specifically at one person.  It will affect them even if they are straight as a ruler and have no issues with any sort of identity in sexuality or gender, by shaping how they should view people who are dealing with those issues.

I can hope that one day everyone will generally get along.  Hoping doesn't get shit done, action does.  I need to try to actively let go of the anger, and just turn to a person and say, he, knock that off, that's really hurtful to people.  I hope that that act will open up minds, or maybe, just maybe someone nearby will hear this, and try to take a stand themselves, either distancing themselves from hateful people, or standing up against those whom would hate on them.  I'm not going to try to be a hero, merely a person who hates what is so casually thrown around, and who knows how much a simple word can affect someone.

Sweet mother potato, another post, and not within a month of the previous one.

So yeah.  Today had kind of an awesome day for the most part.  Although sleeping in happened(which was my own fault for not getting up when my alarm goes off, had kind of an amazing class today, Voice and Articulation.)

This is kind of the first real time that I'm all amped to do this class justice and sluff off.  The things we are learning in there are beneficial to myself as an actor, and just in general when relating with people.  We get to do warm up exercises to basically relieve our body of little tensions we always have and also build a nice "center" supported body structure while breathing and speaking and everything.  Also, in a weird way, after we do the initial stretching/relaxation of various parts of our body, a lot of mental insecurities go away.  There is less fidgeting, nervousness, "in the head thinking" which plagues me far too often, and sense of being grounded and aware of everything around you.  It's quite amazing.  You learn both the little tensions you always carry with you and how they creep up again after you are relaxed, and also how to remove them and correct habits which have been there for years without notice.

Then begin the "silly" exercises beyond that.  They are silly in the sense that we have to let go of any preconception of what we should "normally" be doing when it comes to loosening up, and not worrying about if we in fact looking completely stupid humming or rolling our tongues around our mouths to get them loosened up.  You just feel good and free afterward.  We also started to hum and extend that hum into a an Aaaaa noise, and then project that noise first to our hand and then to across the room, aiming at a particular spot.  Speaking of, I had a revelation today while zoning out in class.  I do adore this class and many others, but my mind wanders quite easily, particularily to Dungeons and Dragons or magic.  In this instance, I was thinking about(because we had to read in front of the class with something we had never seen before to test our voices for the teachers and also practice what we learned that day.), words and they're effect, or how to make them have effect.  I was thinking about when a wizard/sorcerer/whatever casts a spell with a verbal component they don't just simply say the words to say them, they say them to the universe, to the elements around them for their spell to have effect, i.e. use the words but bring intent by giving them meaning by directing them at the world around them.

I realized that actors do this exact thing.  The words are there to communicate yes, but the intention, the meaning, emotion, style, whatever you want to get across has to be there in the deepest way, otherwise it's pointless to say anything at all.  If we don't have the intent to say something to someone instead of merely at them, they won't clearly understand what we tried to give them, and vice versa in the idea that when someone does the same thing to affect us, we must also be ready to receive the message they are trying to send to our thoughts, our souls.

I've done well in other classes, but I don't think I've taken away previous classes as much as I will and should have.  However, I plan to make this semester, my last semester here, to go out with a bang, not a whimper.  I want to challenge myself to really improve what I'm doing, because if I don't, I won't be fully prepared for what comes next:  The Real World.  I don't know what I can really expect, but I know I have to keep learning as much as I can while I'm here to make sure I'm as ready and able to take on anything that comes my way.

Kind of a ...hunh...well feeling I suppose

Guess what happens when you want to procrastinate from homework and a friend decides to start a blog.  This.  This will probably mean my livejournal that I've neglecting like an unloved child sitting in the corner will now resign itself to plot my death via any means necessary.  The more likely scenario will be that my two blogging type areas will fight to the death, in gladiotorial combat, with lasers.

Either way, this blog is now created.  I'm going to actively try to create a semblance or writing here so as to improve my own writing capabilities, and give me yet another place to spill my soul onto the page and create work on par with late great, William Percival Shakespeare. I consider myself enough monkeys, working at typewriters, injected with happiness, will produce an elephant capable of rewriting time herself.


So prepare yourselves hapless readers for an extravaganzia of entertainment, sprinkled with a bit of British humor from another persona, who shall remain nameless, to protect all those she has tallywacked.